Dating Or Danger

February has the connotation of being the most romantic month of the year. Hearts fill store windows, heartful messages, and thoughtful gestures. Love makes people feel safe, secure, and whole, but what happens when a relationship does not feel romantic and when it feels overwhelming, controlling, or unsafe? New love, especially young love with teens, can be exciting, but also confusing. Strong emotions, first relationships, and intense connections can make it hard to tell what is normal and what is not. While relationships are not always perfect, it is important not to misconstrue confusion with warning signs: love should never hurt.

When warning signs are dismissed as “normal relationship problems,” harmful behaviors can go unnoticed. This is how teen dating violence often begins – quietly, gradually, and under the mistaken belief that pain is just part of love. Teen dating violence (TDV) is any pattern of physical, emotional, sexual, or digital abuse to gain power and control over an intimate partner.

What is often called “puppy love” can still involve real emotions and real consequences. Understanding the warnings signs of teen dating violence helps to ensure that what may seem small or insignificant does not grow into something more serious:

Love should not cost you a thing, and that includes time away from your family and friends. Your partner might ask for passwords, nonstop texting, or get upset when you’re spending time with family. This jealously might be called “love,” but this is actually control. Healthy partners respect autonomy and your boundaries.

Love honors your comfort level, not pressure you to change it. A partner who ignores your boundaries – whether emotional, physical, or digital – after you say “no” is not respectful. A caring partner makes you feel safe and secure.

Healthy relationships build you up rather than tear you down. Insults are emotionally and verbally abuse when they look like:

• Jokes
• Comments about your appearance
• Blaming you for their reactions
• Comparing you to others

Healthy love should not make you feel scared of your partner’s reactions. Using anger, threats, or guilt to influence your choices is a form of control (i.e. you would not do this if you loved me). It is normal to disagree in relationships, but you should not be afraid of consequences or harm after an argument.

A caring partner does not react negatively or make you feel guilty when you want to spend time with family or friends. In time, this might cause you to distance yourself from loved ones to avoid arguments, and this makes it harder to reach out for support. Healthy love supports your connections instead of cutting you off from them.

If these behaviors sound familiar, whether in your own relationship or someone else’s, it is important to trust your instincts (your gut has as many neurons as your brain!). Your concerns are valid, and reaching out to someone you feel comfortable talking to can make a difference.

Abuse is never your fault, no matter the circumstances. Support and recovery are possible, and you do not have to handle this on your own. Feel free to navigate the following links, or contact us at FSA to help you feel safe and supported.

• Love is Respect: https://www.loveisrespect/org/
• Teen Line: https://www.teenline.org/